Go Now

            

               Gary  Snyder

               You don’t want to read this,
               reader,

               be warned, turn back
               from the darkness,
               go now.

               — about death and the

               death of a lover — it’s not some vague meditation

               or a homily, not irony,

               no god or enlightenment or

               acceptance — or struggle — with the

               end of our life,

               it’s about how the eyes

               sink back and the teeth stand out

               after a few warm days.

               Her last

               breath, and I still wasn’t ready
               for that breath, that last, to come
               at last. After ten long years.

               So thin that the joints showed through,
               each sinew and knob

               Shakyamuni coming down from the mountain
               after all that fasting
               looked plumper than her.

                         “I met a walking

                                   skeleton, his name was Thomas Quinn”

               we sang
               back then

               she could barely walk, but she did.

               I gave her the drugs every night and we always
               kissed sweetly and fiercely after the push;
               kissed hard, and our teeth clacked, her
               lips dry, fierce, she was all
               bones, breath and eyes.

               We hadn’t made love in eight years
               she had holes that drained all the time
               in her sides, new ones that came,
               end game — and she talked when she could.

               Daughters, mother, sister, cousins, friends
               in and out of the room. Even the
               hardened hospice nurse in tears.

               “Goodnight sweetheart, well it’s time to go.”
               our duet, cheek to cheek,
               for that last six weeks

               She watched the small nesting birds
               in the tree just outside.

               Then she died.

               I sponged her and put on a blouse
               with sleeves to cover gaunt elbows,
               a long gauzy skirt
               like Mumtaz Mahal —

               I was alone. Then they came.

               One daughter cried out
               “She’s a corpse!” and stood fixed
               outside on the deck. It was warm.

               I was alone. Then they came.

               The third day

               the van from the funeral home came for her,
               backing up close to the door,

               I helped roll her into the sheets
               slid on a gurney and wheeled to the car
               and they drove up the rough gravel hill
               our family group standing there silent
               as I turned, held my breath,
               closed my eyes to the sky.

               Five days of heat and they called me,
               just Kai and me, to come witness cremation.
               It cost extra. Only the two of us

               wanted to be there, to see.

               We followed the limousine
               through a concrete-yard with hop
               through a gate beyond that
               to an overgrown

               sheet metal warehouse that once was a body shop
               to the furnace and chimney room,
               it looked like a kiln for a potter,
               there were cardboard coffins
               stacked up   empty around.

               The young man at a desk and a table
               filling out papers, sweating, as we
               set out the incense and bell, the candle,
               and I went to the light cardboard coffin
               and opened the lid. The smell hit me like a blow.
               I had thought that the funeral home
               had some sort of cooling
               like a walk-in

               maybe they did. But it didn’t much help.
               Her gaunt face more sunken, dehydrated,
               eyes still open but dull, teeth bigger, her body
               her body for sure, my sweet lady’s body
               down to essentials, and I placed two books on
               her breast, books she had written,

               to send on her way, looked again
                         and again,
               and closed it   and nodded.

               He rolled it up close, slid the

               box in the furnace, locked down the door,

               like loading a torpedo

               we burned incense and chanted the

               texts for impermanence and all beings who have lived

               or who ever will yet; things writ only in magic

               and just for the dead — not for you dear reader —

               watching the temperature gauge on the furnace,

               firing with propane, go steadily up.

               So now we can go.

               Maybe I know where she’s gone —

               Kai and I one more time

               take a deep breath

               — this is the price of attachment —

               “Worth it. Easily worth it —”

               Still in love, being there,
               seeing and smelling and feeling it,
               thinking farewell.

               worth even the smell.

             

                 


               This present moment
               that lives on

               to become

               long ago

                    counterpointpress.com/dd-product/this-present-moment

             

Zen  Monastery  Peace  Center

Musings

"Someday   I  Wish  To  Be  Only  A  Yes-Sayer"

I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who makes things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: someday I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.  -- Fredrich Nietzsche

Have you noticed how often and how subtly “no” is your orientation?

This inquiry into negation as an orientation started a couple of years ago on a trip to India. My mother is a gifted and imaginative cook and spends much of her time coming up with delicious and elaborate meals for her family to enjoy. And while we all appreciate the food, our refrain at the table would be: “Mom, you shouldn’t have!” “You need not have cooked so many dishes!” “You get so tired standing over the stove all morning; can’t you take a break from cooking?” “Mom, you do know that I would rather you spend time with me than cook for me?” My mother would patiently reiterate that she loved to do this for us. It was no trouble. It made her happy to make us happy. It was her way of showing her love. And if we persisted in our commentary, a tinge of irritation would seep through in “Who else is going to cook?” Finally, one day, she said to me, “I just wish you would say thank you and acknowledge what I do.”

Needless to say, the request shattered “me,” the me that was so identified with being concerned for her well-being that I was unaware I was negating her. Often, we may not recognize this form of self-hate projected outward, perhaps because the negation is hidden under the guise of wanting the best for another person. If I’m coming from a place of caring, I don’t have to notice when I slip into implying that you are inadequate to your life or that I have a better idea of how you should do something. I don’t have to be sensitive to what you might need from me, listen to what you are saying, witness your experience, accept what you are offering, or be appreciative of who you are.

As I looked into this further, I saw negation in so many exchanges. For example:

--- I tell you all the things I did, and you point out the thing I could have done differently.

--- She tells him what’s going on for her, and he tells her how that happened to him.

--- He tells her about a decision he made, and she gives him some information that challenges that decision.

--- I offer my perspective, and you contradict me.

--- She tells you her problem, and you try to solve it for her.

--- You are excited about a possibility, and he expresses his resistance to the idea.

--- I make a suggestion, and you tell me how it’s usually done.

Many of these interactions may sound overtly innocuous or even helpful. But what’s fascinating, if we continue this exploration beyond the overt, is the discovery of the subtle mechanism of egocentricity operating in all of them. The ego reveals itself in the shape of non-acceptance, a rejection of “you” in order to assert “me.” For me to exist, you have to be denied.

In her children’s fantasy, A Wind at the Door, Madeleine L'Engle portrays a world in which a dark force attempts to extinguish Life as it is by negating human expressions of it. Through constantly telling someone what they’re NOT, this force of negation X’s the person out of existence. To defend itself, Life recruits Namers, individuals with the unique gift of assisting people to get a sense of their Authenticity. As one of the protagonists in the story, a cherubim says: “When I was memorizing the names of the stars, part of the purpose was to help them each to be more particularly the particular star each one was supposed to be. That’s basically a Namer’s job.”  Knowing one’s Name, being called by the Universe to what one is in the scheme of things, makes them invulnerable to being X’ed.  Those that experience being unconditionally loved for what they are, accepted as they are, are saved.

The parallels between A Wind at the Door and what we’re doing in Awareness Practice are not hard to see! We recognize that force of negation as self-hate. We’re aware of that voice ceaselessly telling us what we are not: not good enough, not prepared enough, not smart enough, not deserving enough, not authentic enough, not hardworking enough, not articulate enough, not fit enough, not tall enough, not successful enough, not pretty enough…fill in the blank. What a coup for the forces of darkness, what an absolute negation of the Intelligence That Animates, if the form it expresses itself through can be convinced to identify with something that it isn’t, not its true nature, but the ego. Those of us riddled with self-hate have tremendous resistance to identifying with Goodness as the essence of our being, not because we aren’t Goodness, but because we believe the self-hate that claims anything good can’t contain that level of self-loathing.

If self-hate can convince us to see the world through the lens of negation, it has won another victory. Identified with “what’s not,” we cease to be able to see what is. We are robbed of the ability to be present to Presence. In fact, if we were writing a mathematical equation to describe self-hate, it would be a negative function of what is. A negative sign in front of whatever is life. Small wonder that want (a lack of something), loneliness (an absence of the other), and dissatisfaction (wanting it to be different than it is) are the experiences of an ego.  And the final coup for the ego: Identified as me, how am I not a means, an instrument, to make you experience yourself as what you are not?

It seems the work we do in “naming” ourselves, of being able to reclaim what we are by embracing ourselves in Unconditional Love and Acceptance, is our greatest gift to the world. For then we are radically receptive, so completely whole that we can be like Chang Tzu’s famous mirror, reflecting all that is, as is.

Since that moment with my mother at the dining room table, my practice has been to attempt to be a “Yes-sayer.” This does not mean that I have to agree with what you say, that I don’t do things my way, that I can’t have my own opinion. I don’t have to ignore our differences or stop being me so you can be you. I simply have to move from a zero-sum orientation where everything is mutually exclusive to an orientation that is all inclusive. That’s the beauty of Life as it is; there is space for All that is, all expressions of it. In not negating you in any way, I cease to negate Life, Life as you or Life as me. For the brief eternity of a moment, Presence is….

Suddenly there was a great burst of light through the Darkness. The light spread out, and where it touched the Darkness the Darkness disappeared. The light spread until the patch of Dark Thing had vanished, and there was only a gentle shining, and through the shining came the stars, clear and pure.

-- Madeline L’Engle.

Gasshō

ashwini

© Living Compassion Newsletter

https://www.livingcompassion.org

The  End  Of  The  World

Just when we thought

we’d reached the end of the world

the sea rolled over

on a wind driven tide

and a white plumed eagle

dipped into the sea

for a shining silver salmon.

Onyx black whales

traveled beneath the waves,

their arched dorsals raised

as they cut through the water.

Massive clouds fed by the ocean

scattered rain on the thirsty land

while raven sat alone in his high perch

telling tales of what had been

and what was to come.

Gulls careened above the rocks

and from the deep earth

came a thrum of great power.

Reaching the end

we had found the beginning

and in that place of quiet

our new found silence

nursed us back to health.

Don Hynes

donhynes.com

Written  in  the  Unspoken

August 11-17, 2019

I opened the page to an Astrology post I check and this is what I read

Thursday can produce a breakthrough, break-free, or trigger-it day. Mars/Uranus can dish up the unexpected. There is more on brew than is obvious. Keep on watch; don’t ignore an impression or a gut feeling. Your inner radar is likely to be picking up signals. Sunday’s Sun/Pluto can provide a clue or a preview of Tuesday’s lunar-eclipse agenda. The pressure is on. Accompanied by Venus/Saturn in opposition, the lunar eclipse in Capricorn (2:38 p.m. PDT) transforms the reality in some substantial and no-turning-back way. The eclipse exposes what has already been on brew but that has not yet been brought into the full light of day. Taking the reality as far as it can go in its present state, Sunday through Wednesday marks a time line, deadline, or finish line of significance. Endings and beginnings are intertwined. Once an objective or goal post, halt or stop has been reached, the stars immediately head on to a next phase or chapter. A potential solidifies and proves its worth. The eclipse can be formidable in terms of tearing down that which inhibits necessary change. What is meant to end, will. What is meant to overtake and succeed will continue to gain steam. What is swept away makes room for opportunity. Thursday, Venus/Neptune holds good promise. You may feel the threshold-crossing/no-turning-back-now effect of Thursday’s Mars/Uranus transit trigger more dramatically than next Tuesday’s lunar eclipse. Even so, Sunday through next Wednesday shapes the new reality in some undeniable way.

and  a  new  poem  arrived  from

Don  Hynes

Carried  on  the Wind

Deep in the heart of the lonely earth

a yearning for the star folk,

man and woman they are

gone missing from the silent planet.

It’s an old, sad story

written in ancient books

but mostly forgotten

in this last age of maya -

fake news, fake food,

fake love, fake identity.

Trees continue their root to stone,

hummingbirds their journey

and across the sea

a soft wind dapples the surface

awakening those of the deep.

She doesn’t threaten,

only waits, yet desire

shakes her body,

the voice of her loneliness

carried on the wind.

There are maps to the far shore

but they’re of no use,

the coordinates all changed

by the epochs of time.

There is a guide though,

written in the unspoken

by a singular flame,

leading like a beacon

on a wave tossed sea.

We know who we are

and there still is time 

to strip off these rags

and let our inner light

shine like the distant stars.

She’ll be so happy to see us

riding toward her

in colors proud and true.

donhynes.com/blog

America  and  the  World

Air — Water — Air

from  Cycles of the Creative Forces

Uranda  August 6, 1953

Let us remember that the first cycle of creation, the first twelve days of creation — remembering that this day of creation is 25,872 years and there were three steps of four cycles each, making the twelve — which came to a close about 400 years before the time of our Master's manifestation on earth, and the new cycle had begun. These cycles work in relationship to the four forces, on the basis of dominance. The First Cosmic Year [of 310,464 years] would obviously be Water. The water vibration continued from the time of the first beginning of the creation of the world, a little over three hundred thousand years ago, to a point a few hundred years before our Master's birth, so the Second Cosmic Year would be dominated by the next of the four forces, which is Air. So we had an Air Age. Our Master functioned a great deal from the standpoint of water. He emphasized that the individual must let go in truth and be sustained by truth, enfolded in truth, maintained in truth, the reality of God's design and control. That is the baptism of water, the baptism that relates to the Light that glows. The Master also said, “I baptize with fire,” the Fire of the flame that burns, God's Love. The two baptisms the Master spoke about were the baptism by Water, relating to Truth, and the baptism by Fire, relating to God's Love. And He had a Water vibration in relationship to the 25,872-year cycle. And also from the standpoint of the 2,156-year period. So He had, speaking from the lower vibration moving upward, a Water-Water-Air vibrational pattern. There are two waters and air.

It is starting all new at the time of the beginning of the next Cosmic Year. The Second Cosmic Year is going to carry the Air pattern, because we have been under Water all the way up to that point as far as that Great Cosmic Year is concerned; but all the other points will start new—exactly as it was at the beginning of creation. So the cycle as far as the outer pattern is concerned is the same, except that in the overall sense we have an Air Age or Air cycle instead of a Water cycle. The beginning of creation was under the Water-Water-Water pattern. “And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”

There are three levels of the cycles in relationship to the vibratory patterns.. We started out with Water-Water-Water, but there were twelve cycles of the 25,872-year period so that means that the cycle of the four forces—Water, Air, Earth and Fire—worked out three times to make the twelve, which completed the First Cosmic Year of the earth's history. And that came to a close about 400 years before our Master was born. The second year—at the starting point but on a higher cycle. Why did the Master come when He did? Because of these cosmic facts, which human beings cannot alter or change, and if we ignore them we get into trouble sooner or later. So the Master came in order to initiate the cycles of resurrection, or restoration on the basis of the beginning of the new Cosmic Year, and He waited until it was well started. The old pattern had been left behind and the new had been clearly established. But in that period He had an Air pattern, which would extend for roughly 310,464 years. He had a Water pattern next under it, that would extend for 25,872 years, and He had a Water pattern that would extend for 2,156 years.

This [2,156 year] Air pattern came to a close in the eighteenth century—about 1760 is close enough, when our country was just making its first beginning. That new vibration had started before 1776 came, the spirit of 1776 was made manifest after the change of that cycle. So up until that time the earth was under the Air-Water-Water vibrational pattern. About 1760-68 it changed over. The 2,156-year period came to a close, but the 25,872-year period is still in operation. So today we have what? Air-Water-Air. The Air Age actually began about 1760. The spirit of 1776, in relationship to the forming of our own country here, is one of the early evidences of the reality of that, and everyone thinks of it as the spirit of 1776, don't they? Air is the symbol of Spirit. So there was the beginning of the Air-Water-Air pattern, and we are in that pattern now. With the turn of this [20th] century it had really opened up and begun to manifest, and we have an Air Age. It is very definitely an Air Age. And from the standpoint of the creative cycles the pattern was set for it. Everything opened up in a basic sense to give man an opportunity to begin to know the spirit of God as he never had had an opportunity before. We see man reacting to this particular pattern now, and we have an Air-Water-Air age, and it is ideal for the purposes of bringing man, restoring man, to a pattern of contact with the spirit of God: Air, the Water, and the Air.

So now, instead of having the Air-Water-Water pattern of the Master's time, or the Water-Fire-Fire pattern that just preceded the Master's time, we now have the Air-Water-Air pattern. And let us remember it, because if you try to function on any other basis you will fail. We have to be cognizant of those basic factors, and if we are, what is the development in our consciousness? There is an awareness of Spirit. The spirit is moving upon the face of the waters. From the standpoint of the Inner pattern, the Almighty Cycle is an Air cycle, moving upon the face of the waters.

And now we have a little section of time in here that began about 1760, a little over two thousand years in duration, where we have the Air pattern on our side of the ledger, next to us as it were. Whatever we are going to do must of necessity be done in that period, because if that period of time ran out and we ran into the Earth pattern before man found his reorientation with God, what would happen? It would be finish for mankind. It would just bury man. Well we do not intend to have it that way, so we must have our pattern of centering developed. The pattern of restoration must work out in relationship to these things, so we begin to realize that we have the Spirit moving upon the face of the waters, not only from God's side but from our side. I have been helping you to reach a point where you could see them and begin to function with them.